If you haven’t already been to Doris you have few excuses not to go. With several locations throughout South Florida and its original Hollywood store in operation since 1947, Doris Market and Bakery has become a love of the Italian community and those that just like good eats. Though significantly smaller than your average supermarket, Doris is quite the representation of grocers scattered throughout Italy and the selection inside is anything but. You can find everything from dried pastas, produce, and wine to a wide selection of meats and prepared foods and side dishes. Not to mention, a vast array of authentic Italian desserts and pastries such as napoleons, biscotti, and cannoli. While some items are a tad pricier than what you find at your usual grocery store, if you shop right there are plenty of deals to be had especially when it comes to produce. Bunches of fresh herbs such as basil, cilantro, and dill can be purchased for just 99 cents, red peppers often cost half as much as they do at Publix.
This trip to the market resulted in plenty of herbs and veggies, beet salad and roasted peppers from the deli, Kalamata olives, and a happy tummy.
Ah, summer in Ft. Lauderdale. At least once a day, I receive an SMS message on my smart phone with a picture of someone’s dashboard temperature gauge reading well over 90 degrees fahrenheit. The months of July and August are out to kill South Floridians, but we will not be vanquished! When you notice that you are perspiring more than the dude in the yellow chicken suit off Cordova Road at Harbor shops, you know it’s time to find a way to cool it down a notch. Sure, you could stay inside – but air conditioned South Florida is the coldest place in the country. Since remaining indoors isn’t so hot (pun intended), I say let’s grab a lounge chair by the pool and chill out by enjoying one of these refreshing adult libations (whilst lathered with SPF 50).
An undifferentiated glob of lameness? Sounds like somebody’s bartender forgot the pillow talk. As a native South Floridian and a loyal FTL downtowner, I especially despise the naïve amateurs rolling in for Spring Break congesting up our beaches and over-crowding our watering holes. But maybe if we weren’t the prime location for these college girls to experiment and for the “Guido’s” to show off their muscles, then FTL wouldn’t have evolved into what it is today. I’d like to take this time to reference back to the 1987 movie Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, which is based on a college break trip made to our very own Ft. Lauderdale. Not to veer off subject, but my point is it’s not all THAT bad.
As far as Guido’s being a constant clientele at AB, I disagree that this demographic is typical outside of Spring Break Season. I don’t know what the author of the previous article meant by AB “exploiting Latin-Guido culture”, but yes — people of Latin heritage come to AB. We live in South Florida, Latin and Guido are two different classifications, which someone who lives in South Florida surely can tell the difference.
Not long ago it was my distinct privilege, on the eve of my birthday, to venture out into the infamous Ft. Lauderdale downtown scene. I was escorted by two pseudo-legendary FTL natives, who shall be named Striker and Strikeforce (a homage to the renowned Strikers Club of the late 70s). What I discovered was mostly sweet and occasionally putrid, but the focus of this article will be the latter. To be more specific, there was only one establishment contributing to my distaste. What establishment do I speak of, you ask (please ignore the large, unavoidable title)? Well let me give you some clues…
It is a cesspool of horny locals and hopeful, young tourists forcefully searching for that quintessential Spring Break experience. Aspects of this experience are as follows:
Dancing suggestively on a bar with “girlfriends”
Having shots poured into one’s mouth by an attractive bartender
Kissing a same-sex friend (generally female)
Wearing a g-string bikini to a club
Showering with muscled up Guido’s in the center of the club
Subsequently making out with those same Guido’s…etc.
Waiting 25 minutes for a drink, then reveling in the fact that the bartender called you “baby”
Finding that one homeless looking guy that wandered in, dancing with him long enough to snap a photo, then giggling with friends after
Okay, that last one was a bit of a stretch, but it happens. Now if you’re thinking, hey that doesn’t sound so bad. Hot bartenders, random hook-ups, free showers, homeless guys…I understand. But let me give you just one more clue that might sway you against this mystery locale…
Only here can you grind up on a stranger while listening to the timeless, melodic beats of novelty acts such as The Spice Girls, LFO, Chumbawumba, Blink 182, most outdated rap groups, Sugar Ray, Britney Spears, and all other lame songs easily sung by lamer people.
Firstly, the name America’s Backyard is evocative of Americana nostalgia.. I’m not totally sure if dance floor dry-humping, exploitative Latin Guido culture, heavy petting, and Kids-Bop sing alongs qualify. At one point, I raised my sights to the DJ booth and saw all three DJs bobbing heads to Miley Cyrus. To feel as if most iPod owning middle-schoolers could select this club playlist is the epitome of amateurism. I enjoy a good time out as much as the next person, but to frequent America’s Backyard means one of two things: a) you are not someone I would enjoy spending time with, or b) you have compromised your dignity and some aspects of your humanity.
I know this seems a rather harsh indictment, but ABY is systematically transforming FTL’s downtown scene into an undifferentiated glob of lameness. I do tip my hat to the owner; the business model is genius. He saw a populous, vulnerable demographic and exploited the hell out of them until he was wiping his ass with hundred dollar bills (their slogan is “Grillin’ & Chillin’” – enough said.)
My assertion of opinion on this matter will inevitably lend itself to accusations of snobbishness and conceit. I’m okay with that. And I understand this article will surely be divisive. I can only hope that you fall on the light side and see just as I have, that America’s Backyard means the annihilation of the human spirit.
What do Fort Lauderdale women look for in their men? Well this lady blogger, Mercedes J, prefers a gentleman with rugged good looks, captivating charm, a sense of humor, eccentric creativity, and a dash of humility. What if I told all the ladies out there that you can find all of these qualities PLUS ENDLESS SUPPLIES OF FREE CIGARETTES? Yes, it’s true — the most eligible bachelor in Fort Lauderdale is a good looking, fun, creative type who will gladly give you a pack of smokes. In exchange for showing your I.D. and a smile, this gift from God will give you one (or sometimes two) packs of the tobacco flavor for the day. His name is Jayce – a.k.a. the downtown Camel cigarette giveaway guy.
I followed Mr. Jayce around as part of my investigative journalism to learn more about his craft. With his backpack securely fastened (via a seat-belt) around his chest, I observed him strut all around downtown making one drunk after another extremely happy. When Jayce enters a bar, heads turn and people cheer with glee. The downtown cigarette guy is truly talented at what he does — he provides cigarettes to the needy in the utmost efficient and gracious manner.
After I elbowed people left and right and clawed my way through the crowd in order to get beside him, I had a chance to chat with Mr. Awesome himself. I handed him my I.D. and scored two packs of smokes a few moments later. I thanked him and sheepishly asked a few questions as I twirled my hair. “So Jayce, I see you around downtown most weekend nights, where else can I stalk, er- find you?” Jayce smiled warmly and told me that he can typically be found around the 2nd Street and Himmarshee area on Wednesdays through Saturdays. After midnight on Thursday nights you will likely spot the handsome devil at West Palm Beach’s Respectable Street. I giggled with delight about my newfound insider info.
“So Jayce, what kind of lady strikes your fancy?” He laughed courteously and answered, “I love someone who can feel confident in what she wears and look good doing it, someone who gets my humor and can crack jokes with me.” Jayce continued, “Also I like a woman who can hang at the Poorhouse with me, dance and shotgun a beer or two with my closest of friends.”
I stood there in awe as he moved on to help the next waiting cigarette recipient. WOW! I may have identified my future husband. Who knew that Fort Lauderdale hosted such amazing men like Jayce? Oh who am I kidding? There is only one most eligible bachelor, the downtown Camel cigarette giveaway guy. SO BACK OFF, HE’S MINE! Just kidding, we can share. Sigh.
*For more information on how to ask Jayce out on a date, leave a note in the comments section.
Shopping for secondhand items can be an exhilarating experience at the right store, but that is typically not the case in Broward County. Relative to other areas of the US, South Florida thrift stores are all too often filled with clutter of household items and half-broken appliances that probably have not been cleaned since their last use. In the meantime, shopping wearable items can usually subject you to high prices due to an increase in the popularity of vintage items. Sure, some rare pieces might cost you a buck as a collector’s piece but just because something is more than a few years old does not necessarily mean it should cost you an arm and a leg. Here are six thrift stores in Greater Fort Lauderdale where you are bound to find something not only unique but affordable as well.
ABC Thrift Store (Dania Beach): Where you’ll buy your next favorite thing
This store gets my vote for most interesting. This is your neighborhood thrift store where years worth of collecting, from around the country and maybe even world, gets dumped into a living room sized place. If you’re looking for something cool yet totally unnecessary, this is your spot. My three finds this trip were a hard-cased vintage travel carry-on with handle and snap locks for $15, a Ziploc bag of six assorted paring knives for $3, and a like-new gasless, indoor mini grill for $5. Clothing, handbags, and shoes are 50% off “when they feel like it” (really).
Sometimes it’s tough to be overshadowed by the bright lights of Miami. Sure, we’ll pretend like it doesn’t bother us that the mainstream media continually praises our neighboring big city and neglects its more laid back, people friendly, step sister, but fact of the matter is that we want some love too. That’s why whenever we get a plug in the national media, the FTLC feels compelled to let you know about it. My personal favorite FTL namedrop happened in episode five of The Office entitled “Broke.” In the episode, former temp Ryan equates Fort Lauderdale to Bangkok. If you forgot the scene, here’s the dialogue:
Ryan:
I never went to Thailand.
Pam:
Really?
Michael:
I went to Fort Lauderdale
Michael:
Was it nice?
Ryan:
Yeah “it was amazing.” There was a great pad thai place though.
Michael:
I love pad thai.
Ryan:
You’ve never had pad thai.
Michael:
No. There’s a lot I haven’t done.
Although not nearly as note-worthy as being mentioned in one of America’s most popular TV shows, the flattering namedrop in the Bing commercial did evoke more than a few chuckles. In the ad, a sexy maid named Isabella complains to her lover Juan Carlos that “if he loved her, he’d take her somewhere beautiful.” On queue, Juan Carlos’s arch nemesis — an unnamed Mexican hunk, who stole Filomena from Juan Carlos in episode 1 — enters the home via horseback with his laptop open to a Bing search result that displays plane tickets from San Jose, CA to Fort Lauderdale, FL. Naturally, Isabella is swept away by the idea of a trip to Ft Lauderdale and rides away with the man with the better mustache.
Below is the commercial I am referencing. If you happen to have Attention Deficit Disorder, make sure to pay attention at the 19 second mark.
Unfortunately, I did not come up with the title of this post all by myself; the Red, White, & Boom is the moniker of just one of the thousands of ridiculously named explosives sold at TNT Fireworks (formerly known as Neptunes Fireworks) located off of East Dania Beach Boulevard, just east of the convenience store made famous in a previous post. In fact, I was so enamored by the names of the fireworks, that I’m convinced that it’s possible to write an entire article just using firework name references. Check this out:
Just briefly checking out the Arsenal of child-friendly missiles and bombs sold at TNT Fireworks will give you Instant Gratification and make you Salute To America (still the world’s Super Power) like a Proud American. If you purchase enough Heavy Hitters (as far as I know, there’s no Legal Limit), you’ll surely be throwing Fort Lauderdale’s biggest TNT Block Party, putting your neighbors in a state of Delirium. In times like these, it’s Just Awesome that we have a firework store that will help us forget all about our local government’s Corruption and allow us to relax in our Tropical Delight that we call home.
(See, I told you I could write the whole article using only firework references – Mission Accomplished. Man, I was En Fuego, LOL)
Joking aside, I am not only writing this article in the spirit of our country’s independence day; I want to warn you. If you plan on buying fireworks at TNT, go right now! According to multiple sources, this store becomes a mad house as July 4th creeps closer. When I went late on Wednesday night (the store is open 24 hours until the holiday is over), there were hardly any shoppers in the store. However, the supercenter was prepared for the fast approaching riot of South Floridians lusting for gun powder. Let me describe the process of entering the store in a step-by-step process:
Step 1: If you can find parking (that’s a big IF), you have to enter the store on the side of the building. Don’t worry if you can’t find parking. The store hires police officers around this time of year to manage traffic.
Step 2: Get in line. Don’t get intimidated by the length of the winding line. I’m sure it will go quick (in your dreams).
Step 3: Take out your driver’s license because they will need to make a photocopy at the first checkpoint — that’s right, there are checkpoints. They will hand you a blank form with some writing on it — stuff like “I will not start bottle rocket wars with my little nephew”, “I will not set off smoke bombs in my grandma’s condominium elevator”, etc).
Step 4: Sign the form at the white table at the end of the line, but don’t forget to return the pen and clipboard. The security guard looks irritated.
Step 5: Enter the doors and wait in a second line. This line notarizes your ID and provides you with a buyer’s card that allows you to buy the most dangerous, legal explosives. Lucky for you, this card will let you bypass some of these stages the next time you go to TNT.
All in all, the entire entry process reminded me of entering Cambodia last summer in the height of swine flu season. Seriously, I think there’s more security currently at TNT Fireworks than at FLL. As awful as all that sounds, there’s no question that this is the best fireworks bodega in town. Go ahead and shop at the temporary tents in the Publix parking lots if you want to be the laughing stock of your neighborhood. I love my country, that’s why I’ll be shopping at the store that will let me buy the most dangerous fireworks that can literally blow my hand off.
Who am I kidding (sigh)? On this amateur blogger salary that I’m making ($0 a year), I could only afford some Crazy Ground Hogs, Chicken Coop, and Small Bees. Maybe next year, I’ll be able to buy something that will set off the car alarm on my neighbor’s obnoxious Mazda Miata.
Don’t forget to check out Ft Lauderdale’s firework show this Sunday on the beach. Heres the link with all the info.
Rothstein partner Russ Adler dining at Bluejay’s Cafe with recognizable but unnamed companion.
Update: Bluejay’s is closed as of May 2011 : (
The Himmarshee district of downtown Fort Lauderdale offers plenty of bars, but precious few restaurants. In the two years since Creolina’s tragically closed its doors, the only real options have been Himmarshee Bar & Grill (which is fantastic but way too expensive for a default go-to option), Tarpon Bend (which makes an acceptable burger but is certainly nothing special), and Briny’s (whose food is interesting only in that it is fun when you find something edible on the menu). But thankfully we have a new option: Bluejay’s Cafe which opened last week on Himmarshee Street, just across the alley from Fat Cats.
Serving breakfast on the weekends and lunch and dinner every day except Monday at extremely reasonable prices, a place like Bluejay’s has been sorely needed in the neighborhood. Having eaten at Bluejay’s three times in the last week despite the short-sighted refusal of the FTLC editorial board to provide a food stipend, yet encouraged by New Times blogger Bill Citara’s inspirational post about amateur food critics, I say !#$%& Bill Citara and offer my take on Bluejay’s.
But before we get to the review, Bluejay’s is already attracting local pseudo-celebrities of certain notoriety as evidenced by the above picture taken last night. On the left is Russ Adler, the former name partner in Scott Rothstein’s law firm, dining with another gentleman I recognize from obsessive reading of Bob Norman’s blog, but cannot quite place…another Rothstein attorney? A local restauranteur? Anybody recognize the man on the right in my blurry picture? (Sorry, I’m a lover, not a photographer). But I digress…to the review!
The alcohol situation:
Bluejay’s does not have a liquor license. There is a yellow sign on the front of the restaurant notifying the public about an upcoming hearing regarding this license, and while I am sure that a liquor license is great and necessary for a restaurant, for patrons this short unlicensed period offers an opportunity to bring your own beer or wine (which the wait staff is more than happy to open and serve) and save a bundle on a great meal. Good luck Bluejay’s on the liquor license and I promise I will not show up at that meeting to oppose it.
Food that is amazing:
Shrimp & Crawfish Flatbread for 10 bills off the appetizer menu. Truly inspired. The ample crawfish chunks, along with shrimp, corn, scallions, red peppers and cotija cheese makes this a Southern U.S./Tex-Mex delicacy.
The Spanish rice accompanying the half-chicken entree. Infused with jalapeno, along with corn, tomato, and green and white onions, this rice offers a kick that is rare in a rice dish. Seriously, one of my best rice dishes yet eaten.
Food that is very good:
The filet. For 25 bucks you get a very good cut of meat, well prepared, served with mashed potatos. My only suggestion is that it would be nice to have a vegetable along with the meat and potatos, but what are you gonna do?
Half-chicken entree. Good seasoning, but I must say, I can’t stop thinking about the rice.
Food that is also good:
Skirt Steak Tacos, Fish Tacos. Both meals are just seven dollars for three tacos which are served in soft corn tortillas with filling of tomatoes, corn, onions, lettuce and cheese. The sizable tacos are certainly better than your average taco, and the grouper in the fish tacos tasted great; plus it was refreshing to see a restaurant not claim that every chunk of fish in every taco is dolphin…because come on, we all know that there is not an unlimited supply of mahi every season at every restaurant.
Roast Beef Sandwich. It’s a roast beef sandwich. Get it with the tasty sweet potato fries.
Bluejay’s: the best of luck. You seem well-situated for your market and serve very good food…much better than I was expecting from a brand-new establishment. The restaurant business is tough, but you have a passionate supporter in Fat Hand and, I can only imagine, Russ Adler. And Russ, the best of luck to you too sir.
If I learned anything from starting countless failed bands (see Rated Arg & The Gray Guns), it’s not always about musical talent; it’s also about hype — more specifically, the band promotional photos. When it comes to taking the picture, bands worry too much about their body language or which animal mask makes them look cooler. In my nonprofessional experience, a band promo photo should always start with the backdrop – train tracks, brick walls, and warehouses are excluded due to overuse and douchey-ness. Fortunately for Broward’s local talent, I have weeded out some of the best painted walls around greater Ft Lauderdale to take a quality band promo shot. Not only did I snap a few photos of these cement masterpieces, I even inserted some musicians into the pictures so you can see what I mean. Click the image for the location of the photo.
Hustlin Hustlin Hustlin…Don Baily Carpets (please don’t kill me Mr. Ross)
If you haven’t already been to Doris you have few excuses not to go. With several locations throughout South Florida and its original Hollywood store in operation since 1947, Doris Market and Bakery has become a love of the Italian community and those that just like good eats. Though significantly smaller than your average supermarket, Doris is quite the representation of grocers scattered throughout Italy and the selection inside is anything but. You can find everything from dried pastas, produce, and wine to a wide selection of meats and prepared foods and side dishes. Not to mention, a vast array of authentic Italian desserts and pastries such as napoleons, biscotti, and cannoli. While some items are a tad pricier than what you find at your usual grocery store, if you shop right there are plenty of deals to be had especially when it comes to produce. Bunches of fresh herbs such as basil, cilantro, and dill can be purchased for just 99 cents, red peppers often cost half as much as they do at Publix.
