If South Florida Was Like HBO’s Game of Thrones

If South Florida Was Like HBO’s Game of Thrones


You may have heard of the HBO show Game of Thrones. It’s filled with gorgeous geography, devious characters, and gratuitous sex. Kind of reminds us of South Florida for some reason. So here is our take on South Florida as Game of Thrones.

Miami is our King’s Landing. This is the center of the action, the power seat of South Florida. The Lannisters and the Miamians are the richest people in the world. They spend 8 dollars on a beer. At a bar. And those are just the Miamians: the Lannisters would totally spend 9. Miami has a small council that has been plagued with liars and thieves (although no eunuchs that we know of). Miami and King’s Landing are the beautiful yet seedy, politically slimy cities of riches amid crippling poverty; there’s prostitutes, violence, jousting, Art Basel, melees, baseball stadiums, and wonderful music. Miami even has its own Littlefinger, the most scheming and duplicitous man in the city: Jeffrey Loria. Littlefinger and Loria both have an uncanny ability to get people to do things that are against their best interests. This comparison might not be totally accurate though: we think Jeffrey Loria is a bigger liar than Littlefinger.

Fort Lauderdale is our home, our Winterfell. We are humble and steadfast. It’s not cold exactly, but we do like our wine. We may not be concerned that winter is coming, however global warming could have a disastrous effect on our city. Perhaps our words should be “The Tide is Rising.” Although we love the quaint canal-laced city we call home, we travel south to Miami/King’s Landing for entertainment at the Fillmore, Grand Central, sporting events, etc., yet Miamians would probably push us out of windows and behead our family members to continue their way of life. We live north of that city but can’t stay away. Fort Lauderdale is Winterfell, the City of the North (at least before that dick Theon Greyjoy burned it to the ground).

Far to the south beyond Miami, across the Narrow Sea, is an exotic land that is Dothrak, Qarth, and Astapor all wrapped up in one. Cuba has a different political system, they speak a different language, and they might even have dragons. Ask Kennedy about that one.

Far to the north beyond West Palm Beach, there is a wall 700 feet high separating our realm from the wild lands beyond. The rest of Florida is the land beyond the wall, populated by Wildlings that we know little about and do not understand. They fear different things than we do and pray to harsher gods, like the White Walkers and Tim Tebow.

Humorless old Stannis Baratheon is stuck out on Dragonstone with a crazy redheaded religious lady who has an unnatural hold over him, so maybe he lives in Davie? We don’t spend a lot of time in Davie but we imagine that city is lousy with mesmerizing redheads on horseback.

The Iron Islands, home of the Greyjoys, are the Florida Keys. While our Keys are no doubt warmer and more inviting than the Iron Islands, both are surrounded by water and apparently lawless, and there’s only like five people who actually live there. Watching Balon Greyjoy makes us think of the old-timey Florida Keys, the drug and rum-running, give-your-son-away-to-settle-a-debt Florida Keys. We love those Keys.

Certain groups of characters in Game of Thrones spend a substantial amount of air time just kind of wandering around. There’s Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth; Arya Stark, Gendry and Hot Pie; and Theon Greyjoy (between his torture sessions). They are stuck in the Everglades where travel is treacherous, wild beasts might eat you, and there’s always danger of running into an unruly band of airboat enthusiasts.

We don’t want to get too caught up in comparing local individuals to the mostly-terrible Game of Thrones characters, but Fort Lauderdale’s Mayor Jack Seiler must be one of the kings in King’s Landing, even though he lives and rules over our Winterfell (because there’s only one Ned Stark). Seiler’s certainly not the terrible King Joffrey Baratheon. Mayor Seiler is the late King Robert Baratheon. Like Seiler, King Robert was a man of the people who loved to throw raucous celebrations for his city, and Mayor Seiler seems like the kind of guy who throws a couple back and enjoys a party. Plus Seiler is the immediate successor to the Mad Mayor Jim Naugle Targaryen. We pray to the old gods and the new that Mayor Seiler’s rule does not end in an unfortunate encounter with a wild boar. Perhaps he should steer clear of next year’s Python Challenge.

Thankfully we do not live in the Game of Thrones world. It is a horrible violent place where the main character (existentially speaking, that is either you or me) may be killed at any moment. We South Floridians live in a realm of love and happiness and eternal summer, at least for now. For the tide is rising.

6 Tips for Surviving Christmas on Las Olas

by K47It's that time again for Xmas on Las Olas in Fort Lauderdale

It’s that time of year again, and FTL residents will be coming out in masses to kick-off the holiday season. On Tuesday November 29th, our famous boulevard will be closed down to traffic and filled with Christmas Spirit. Here are our tips for making the best of it:

  1. Walk, bike, or teleport to this event because parking anywhere near Las Olas will be a bitch.
  2. Wear close-toed shoes. Trust us on this one. There will be more strollers than you have ever seen in your life and they WILL run you over.
  3. Dress up your dog (or cat). You don’t want him/her to feel left out and naked. Animals who attend Christmas on Las Olas are known for their keen Christmas fashion sense.
  4. Bring cash. Various vendors will have food and drink carts/tables set-up but, not credit card machines. ATM’s can be hard to come by in the crowd.
  5. Brush up on your Tanya Harding skills. No, not clubbing people in the knee….ice skating! Skate Las Olas, an artificial ice rink, is up and running in the lawn next to the Riverside Hotel. Rent some skates for $6 and get working on that triple axel.
  6. Pack a thermos of your favorite holiday themed beverage. A recent favorite of ours is Mulled Wine:
  • 1 bottle of red wine (really any will do)
  • ¼ cup Brandy
  • 1 package of cider spice (or a combination of cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, ginger)
  • Simmer these ingredients on the stove-top for 10-20 minutes and enjoy.

Christmas On Las Olas
On Las Olas Boulevard in downtown Fort Lauderdale
Between Southeast 6th Avenue and Southeast 10th Avenue
Around 5 PM – 10 PM
Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Strikers In The Playoffs! Edmonton To Suffer

Times are tough in the universe of South Florida sports: the Dolphins arecurrently in last place, the Marlins just finished their season in last place, the Panthers are in the midst of the longest streak of not making the playoffs in NHL history (10 years, but we are optimistic about the upcoming season), and the Hurricanes…well, their problems are well documented; no need to get into them here. Plus everyone involved with the NBA, from the commissioner to the owners to the players union, is conspiring to cancel the Heat’s entire season just because they don’t like Lebron.

But there is one local franchise that you can support without condition: our local minor league soccer team, the Ft. Lauderdale Strikers.  The Strikers play in the first round of the NASL playoffs at Lockhart Stadium, Saturday at 7:30 p.m. against a team of jerks from Edmonton. If the Strikers win Saturday’s game, they will advance to the second round and will have a home and home series with either Carolina or Puerto Rico.

Besides the fact that the Strikers is the only of the aforementioned sports teams that plays in this great city of ours, other reasons to come to Saturday’s game are that tickets are cheap (GA for $10), there’s a food truck rally at the tailgate before the game, there are limited occasions where it’s cool to wear red and yellow together, and when you are drinking and singing there is nothing quite as funny as a sad Edmontonian.

The Strikers played great soccer in the second half of the season and are surely favored in Saturday’s games, and must be one of the favorites to win the league championship. I have not seen the Vegas odds yet, but our team looks good.

So come to Lockhart on Saturday, stand next to your Lauderdale brothers and sisters, and help these young men defend the Fort.

Stream this song, made by some Striker die hards.

[soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/24191884″]

4 Things We’re Ordering at Riverwalk’s Food Truck Rally

This Wednesday, downtown Fort Lauderdale gets to finally join in on the food truck craze. Let me tell you, it’s about damn time. The rally called Gourmet In The Park will be located at Esplanade Park (the park just in front of the Museum of Discovery and Science). While I wish Broward had more representation at some of these local rallies, I’ll just be happy that these Miami trucks are willing to drive across county lines. At this rally, the following trucks will be present: CheeseMe Mobile, The Fish Box, Nacho Mama’s Mexican Grill, Ms. Cheezious, Sugar Rush, Latin Burger, Sugar Yummy Mama, Nacho Bizness, Slow Food Truck, Big Kahuna, The Rolling Stove, and Dim Ssam A Go-Go.

Here are 4 food items we have our eye on at this Wednesday’s food truck rally:

Ground Beef Nachos @ Nacho Mama’s Mexican Grill 

the food truck Nacho Mama

photo from FoodTruckCatering.com

As an appetizer, we’re going to order some nachos from Coral Springs-based food truck Nacho Mama’s. Ordering tex-mex seems like a no-brainer when it comes to food trucks. Since Nacho Bizness is usually outside of Fat Cat’s on any given weekend night, we figured Nacho Mama’s might be worth a shot. In an article on Miami New Times, one of the owners recommended the shrimp burrito or the skirt steak nachos. Both those items are not listed on their online menu, but if they’re available on Wendesday, we’re might switch our order to one of those.

Custom Grilled Cheese @ CheeseMe Mobile

a grilled cheese from CheeseMe Mobile

photo from Yelp.com

I must admit that when I planned on writing this post, CheeseMe’s Mac N Cheese Pancakes were on the top of my list. However, after reading a lot of negative reviews, I’ve changed my mind. The best aspect about this truck is the ability to custom order your own cheesy creation. My eye’s on the Texas Toast with vintage cheddar and roasted turkey. I will add that prices are a little steep (cheese + bread is $6, add $2 -$6 for insertions).

Short Rib Sandwich @ Slow Food Truck

Short Rib Sandwich from Slow Food Truck

photo from BurgerBeast.com

While a lot of happy reviewers spoke highly of a sandwich called The Ono, I couldn’t find the sandwich on their online menu. So I’m opting to try their other highly praised sandwich Short Rib Sandwich.

G.O.A.T. Cookie @ Sugar Rush

Sugar Rush GOAT Cookie

photo from BurgerBeast.com

Almost every online reviewer loves this cookie, so I must try it. It’s a chocolate cookie with fudge inside. With reasonable prices on the menu, there’s no doubt I’ll be ordering more than one item. I’m looking at you Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding. This food truck appears to be a sure bet. Make this your final evening stop to cap off a greasy dinner.

Side note: There are so many good food trucks coming this Wednesday, and just because we didn’t include a food truck in this post doesn’t mean they aren’t good– chances are that we have tried them before or will include them in the next food truck post. For reviews of the other food trucks, search Burger Beast. That guy is the aficionado of South Florida food trucks. 

The Week’s Happenings

We’ve missed the past few weekend’s posts, so here’s something to hopefully add a little fun to your upcoming workweek. Make sure to click on the links for more details about the events. 


Sweeter Days celebrated the release of the last Harry Potter movie by baking up a batch of  butterbeer cupcakes.  They were supposed to last only through the weekend, but it’s definitely worth a call in to find out if there are any left:  (954)396-3979


Been meaning to check out The MoA FTL photography exhibit “The Art of Caring”? “Like” The Salvation Army of Broward County on Facebook, then head over to the museum Tuesday from 11am-6pm, mention the Salvation Army, and get in for free.


Poor House is debuting it’s new monthly event Sliders and Spirits. For $15 (if you click ‘Attending’ on Facebook) or $20 at the door, you’ll get 3 sliders, 1 desert slider, a couple Jack Daniels drinks, a live cooking demo, and live music by Chris Horgan, Lavola, and Young Circles. 

How about checking out “the largest Drive-in in the world”?  Screen 9 is said to be the original screen which debuted in 1963.  Do a Google search for “swap shop drive in” for showtimes or click here.


All Together Now is bringing local screenprinters to The MoA FTL from 6-9pm.  Bring a shirt and choose from several designs for free while supplies last.

Fight Like Animals and Lavola will be featured at this week’s Digital Love at Green Room. Doors at 10. Free drink token before midnight if you mentioned “FTLC”.


One of Ft Lauderdale’s biggest annual art shows Red Eye is happening at ArtServe. The event is a fusion of varying types of arts including (but not limited to) paintings, poetry, installations, live artistic performances, short films, music, and graffiti artists. The event runs from 6-9pm. More info on their Facebook event page

The Bubble is having their second annual Itty-Bitty Blazar Gala, a live music and fashon focused event. There’s a whole bunch of stuff going on at this event, I recommend checking the Facebook invite for all the details. 

Twilight Notes celebrates three years with a charity event at the Rooftop Sky Lounge of Nu River Landing downtown appropriately named Skyline. $25 includes an open bar, apps, an auction, and DJs through the night which runs 7-11:30pm. All proceeds benefit the American Cancer Society.


Cinema Paradiso is hosting another Indie Craft Bazaar. This one has an extra clever title, Bohemian Craftsody. The event runs from 1-6pm. $4 to get in, free swag bags to the first 100 people.

Gallery Saturdays at Green Room is having a fashion trunk show with 3 different designers, Camelopardus, Marta Dero, and Sur Real. Young Circles will be the featured band of the night. There will also be new artwork by local artists on both the 1st and 2nd floor galleries. Doors at 9pm. No cover. Free champagne from 9-11 if you mention “FTLC” at the door.