The words “rock climbing” and “Florida” are seldom in the same sentence. But just off of Marina Mile Road, down a frequently flooded small road, and nestled in a maze of a business park, you’ll find Coral Cliffs, Ft Lauderdale’s only indoor rock climbing facility.
Behind a reflective, glassy storefront are 87 top rope climbing routes and 25 lead routes to monkey around on. Climb to your heart’s desire for about $29, gear rental included (harness, shoes, carabiner, and chalk bag). If you fall in love with it, you won’t need to worry about getting bored. The routes, ranging from 5.5 – 5.11 in difficulty, are changed frequently by skilled route setters.
Never done it before? Coral Cliff’s gracious and knowledgeable staff will “show you the ropes” for just a few bucks more. As a first-timer, you’ll learn how to effectively tie a figure eight knot into your harness and finish it off with a water knot. With a sweet little reminder that you’ve more or less got your partner’s life in your hands, you’ll learn how to belay, or secure, their rope.
Mastered the basics and want to return but have no one to go with? There are friendly climbers that are happy to help you out if you’re nice enough. If you’re looking to take your rope-tying skills to the next level, be sure to check out Coral Cliff’s “Singles and Swingers Night” every Tuesday at 6:30p.m.
It’s difficult to write this article because I can barely see my computer screen through the salty, clear discharge (some would call tears) rapidly emitting from my eyes. It pains me to confirm that the horrific rumors are true — South Florida’s best Metal Band (according to the 2010 Best Of edition of Broward/Palm Beach New Times), Murderous Rampage, will no longer be screaming their beautiful music into our bleeding ears.
The news came as a shock on the evening of June 10th when lead vocalist and Poorhouse bartender, Tommy, revealed to this back bar regular that the band would be retiring. The death metal band has been a Fort Lauderdale favorite for the past few years. Fans can’t seem to get enough of the relentless fast paced roaring of guitar, bass, and drums combined with the melodramatic lyrics of their songs. In addition to producing addictive music, Murderous Rampage has also created deliciously morbid videos for three of their songs — Programmed to Kill, Eating Drinking Shitting, and Out in Public. The music videos showcase Tommy’s affection for horror, zombies, and dismembered mannequins.
Devoted fans came out to support Murderous Rampage’s final show at Churchill’s Pub in Miami last Saturday (June 26th). Murderous Rampage were joined by four other metal bands — Shroud Eater, Junior Bruce, Consular, and Hallow Leg for a night of heart pumping rock. Frontman Tommy performed with energy and prowess as he sang lyrics such as “kill yourself you waste of life” and “eating drinking shitting — that’s all I do.” Bass guitarist Somesh seductively played his instrument as Hoblium whaled on his guitar. Jointly, band members delivered powerful and brusque death metal which had the crowd thrashing their bodies in a seizure-esque manner.
Murderous Rampage’s farewell show did not disappoint and confirmed why we all love them so much. Maybe if we all think positive thoughts and wear our Murderous Rampage t-shirts every day, the band will again grace the stage one day in the future. Goodbye Murderous Rampage, you will be missed.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or more likely in our case, a palm tree) for the past month, you have probably heard something about Kill Miss Pretty. And unless you were born after 1990, you probably have a place in your heart for the early 90’s television drama, Twin Peaks. Put the two of these together and you have Friday night’s entertainment lineup at the Monterey Club in Fort Lauderdale. The event, which pays homage to the legacy of Twin Peaks, will include burlesque dancers and two sets, during which the members of the electro-punk band will be portraying the roles of the all too familiar small town cast. It’s safe to say, we are looking forward to seeing sexy rock vocalist Alicia Olink eroticize the character of teenage murder victim Laura Palmer. Come dressed in your finest Pacific Northwest threads and watch the murder mystery unfold.
Friday, June 25, 10 p.m.
The Monterey Club
2608 S. Federal Hwy.
Tickets cost $10
An FTLC contributor had the chance to get the latest scoop about KMP from newest band member and Marilyn Manson co-founder, Scott Putesky.
FTLC: So, you are the new addition to Kill Miss Pretty. Can you brief us on your musical history and how/when you ended up with KMP? Also, what do you feel you contribute to the band that may not have been there before?
Scott: As co-founder of MArilyn MAnson & The Spooky Kids I wanted to continue innovating whereas the rest of the band did not. I guess they couldn’t keep up. I struck out on my own and grew a lot. I worked with Jack Off Jill, collaborated and produced tracks for others and assembled a band called Stuck On Evil in which Martin Davis played bass as he does currently for KMP. Martin asked me to add a guitar track to the song Judy Garland and the part became integral. For fun I played three songs with them live including Judy … and Dogma … now we do the Spooky Kids song She’s Not My Girlfriend – with a contemporary tweak.
KMP has a unique style, very edgy and erotic, and the band really promotes Alicia as a sex symbol. Do you think this works to the advantage of KMP?
Alicia is our secret weapon of mass distraction. Just when you check her movin’ and groovin’ you realize you’re movin’ and groovin’ – but the song is what stays in your head. We just remind the listener that music itself sells sex.
What is the significance of the Twin Peaks theme for the show at the Monterey Club on Friday? And how do you plan to play the part of Special Agent Dale Cooper?
Russ and I are big fans of the show, the movie and David Lynch. Marilyn Manson’s cover of I Put A Spell OnYou appears in Lynch’s Lost Highway and my guitar solo starts as Patricia Arquet strips – it’s pretty awesome and I feel remotely honored. Twin Peaks is just about drinking age now and is a pop culture style all its own. I am going to walk around with my micro cassette recorder making notes for Diane (and probably save them for future use).
Until a few months ago nobody was really hearing from the band and suddenly you are all over the local news and going on a short national tour. Why the sudden buzz and can you tell us a little about the upcoming tour?
I work better when I’m doing so for others and I think I’ve revived the band’s enthusiasm and the fans’ motivation to come see us play. As far as the tour goes – a psychic told me to go west and “look for the smiling bag.”
Lastly, I met you on a random weeknight at my favorite local watering hole, the Poorhouse. What are the band members’ favorite Fort Lauderdale hang out spots?
Sorry, that’s privileged knowledge limited to our exclusive imbibement circle.
The FTL Collective has joined forces with downtown’s Revolution to bring you a night to roll on the floor in laughter! Four local comedy acts, Gene, Mike, Sisqo, and Richy, will be opening up on June 24th for Saturday Night Live’s, Hannibal Buress.
The FTLC would like to offer free admission to all of their faithful subscribers to join them for drinks and giggles at Revolution Live starting at 7pm. There will be a full bar available along with table and chairs (normally standing room at the Rev) so be sure to arrive early to get a good seat.
E-mail giveaways@ftlcollective.comwith your full name to be added to the FTLC guest list. If you’re not already a subscriber, this will also add you to our fantastic mailing list.
Come find out if the “Funniest Person in Chicago” can hold his own in Fort Liquordale or if all those Windy City one-liners are just made out of hot air. Below are a couple links to preview the night as well as the address to the venue. Thanks again loyal FTL Patrons!
Revolution Live
100 SW 3rd Ave
Ft Lauderdale, FL 33312
Take I-95 to Broward Blvd., head east to SW 3rd Ave. (aka Nugent Ave.) and make a right. Revolution Live is located in the big yellow building. Box office is located on the west side and entrance is located on the north.
Before you say Bula (a Fijian toast which means “to life”) you will find yourself staring down into a half rounded coconut shell holding a concoction resembling that of muddy water. Reluctantly, you raise the shell to your lips and notice aromas of earth and uncertainty. As the shell empties into your mouth, you taste bitter root, chalk and a hint of medicinal tang. With a slightly numb sensation on your lips and tongue, you rush to chase your swallow with pieces of sliced pineapple. Did you just drink a fancy bowl of mud water collected from a parking lot cesspool? No, you just had Kava.
Kava is a ceremonial drink traditionally consumed in the islands of the South Pacific. The beverage is made of ground Kava-Kava pepper bush root and has a sedating nature said to increase tranquility and well-being without losing mental clarity. Aside from its calming effects, there are other benefits as well. Some claim that Kava decreases anxiety and depression, eliminates nausea, increases patience and ease of acceptance. Wait – no depression, nausea; more patience and acceptance? This sounds like the perfect hangover remedy. With the help of Kava, one can cure post drink vomiting and last night’s regret. YES!
So where can you get this mysterious mud water? Tucked a block behind some well recognized hot spots, Primanti Bros. & McSorley’s, near the intersection of Sunrise Blvd. and A1A, resides a quaint building with a colorful sign which reads — Kava Bar. If you do your laundry at the place next door, you have probably noticed some free spirited individuals coming to and fro this establishment.
Fiji Kava Bar is a Zen sanctuary decorated with dim lights, cozy couches and books. You will find peaceful individuals looking for an alternative (or addition) to alcohol frequenting this Kava bar. Kava tenders recommend that you not consume the celebratory drink while under the influence of other mood altering substances – since it will likely take away from the experience, which one can fully appreciate after 4-6 bowls.
Fiji Kava Bar offers a great alternative to customary going outs in our city, go see for yourself. Bula!
Dubstep and Jamaican dub are alive and kickin’ in South Florida.
Dubstep has carved quite a path for itself in the last ten years. Though there can be several styles ranging from lighter to darker and heavier tracks, the form of electronic music utilizes a constant and steady beat throughout. Stemming from London in the early 2000’s, it is quickly emerging from its underground roots to more of a mainstream popularity (ex: La Roux- In For The Kill- Skream remix). With that comes the surge of dubstep artists in the South Florida music scene.
While dubstep is fairly new and a form of its own, it certainly draws from the reverberated yet cleaner rhythm of Jamaican dub. Though closely associated with reggae, Jamaican dub lends its sub-bass and sometimes distorted sound to dubstep. Check out Spred the Dub, a Ft Lauderdale band that frequents downtown’s Fat Cats. With their smooth vocals and professional sound, you will not be disappointed by this band no matter what kind of music you like. Make sure you don’t miss their sweet cover of Chris Isaak’s Wicked Game.
James Bond once said Christmas only comes once a year. Not true in Ft. Lauderdale where our holiest of days is quarterly. Friday, June 18 was the summer Bus Loop, or as it’s known to many of us in South Florida, Yom KipBusloop. Friday’s route focused on the 17th Street Causeway. 18 bones for a card and free transportation and you are set for an evening of beer and revelry. A good thing about Bus Loop is that it takes you to places where you do not normally hang out. A bad thing about Bus Loop is that there is probably a reason you do not normally hang out at those places. Bus Loop featured nine bars (and one ice cream shop!). As this space and my memory are limited, I will not try to write about all nine stops (not counting the ice cream shop!). So here are my thoughts on a few of the locations:
Duffy’s is new to its Cordova Road location and new to Bus Loop. Therefore, Duffy’s did not realize that Bus Loop bars limit the type of free drinks they will serve, such as a horrible raspberry concoction (the only beverage YOLO served during the spring Bus Loop), or that old keg of Schaeffer that was never tapped. Duffy’s ignorance was to our benefit. A guy next to me ordered a Patron and pineapple…well done, guy next to me. Duffy’s did, however, fall into a common trap of Bus Loop: being completely unprepared for the throng of thirsty Bus Loopers. They had their standard three bartenders and getting the attention of any of them was a frustrating experience. Duffy’s bar is so huge that you might not have a bartender within 15 feet for ten minutes at a time. Get it together Bus Loop locations!
That’s right, Embassy Suites. Or more specifically, the E Spot at Embassy Suites (I guess the E stands for Embassy?). Walking into the hotel, I had to choose between Bus Loop and the Scott Family Reunion. I am not convinced I made the right decision. Sorry to repeat myself, but the E Spot was seriously under-staffed. A couple friends of mine were there for more than 20 minutes and never got their free drink. Unacceptable. This is why it is so damn hard to complete the Bus Loop, because you have logjams at ridiculous places like E Spot at Embassy Suites. They did bring out a free pizza for the Bus Loopers at one point…that lasted less than 10 seconds. The E Spot actually seems ok for a hotel bar, but I have a hard time imagining the situation in which I will return. I cannot be sure, but this was likely one of the largest crowds they have had at E Spot, and they did not handle it gracefully.
I was in Friday night Bus Loop drinking mode and did not feel like taking an ice cream break. But friends who did said there was as much free ice cream as you could eat, and no wait. Well done Coldstone Creamery! I wish you sold rum & root beer floats.
Taza features a cool decor and serves acceptable Mediterranean food, but it was also the scene of one of the more unexpected moments of the evening. Again, standard bus loop rules apply: long wait for a beer. But then! After finally ordering three free Bus Loop Yuenglings for myself and companions, it happened. The bartender produced three half-full pint glasses. After a non-confrontational “What gives?” from your author, the bartender mumbled something about how the pint glasses were bigger than the glasses they were using earlier and walked away. Seriously Taza? You make us wait that long for a half-full beer? Who serves half-full beers anyway? I felt like Vizzini in Princess Bride: inconceivable!
And this brings us to a larger issue with Bus Loop. The establishments themselves choose to participate…it is not as if Leonardo DiCaprio is in some warehouse in France printing and distributing Bus Loop cards himself and tons of people unexpectedly descend on a bar demanding free drinks. Yet the bartenders inevitably act annoyed, a majority of the locations are not prepared for the crowds, and they treat Bus Loopers like second-class citizens. But that is a reminder of what this holiest of Ft. Lauderdale days is all about. Through the ages, my people (irresponsible drinkers) have been shunned and treated by society as the “Other”. Bus Loop is our quarterly reminder that we are unrepentant, we are not really atoning for anything, and we will happily endure mistreatment at the hands of saloon keepers for free(ish) cocktails.
(Part 2 – Previously the FTLC reported on the worst places downtown to use the bathroom. Read on to find the better options to pop a squat.)
BEST places to use the bathroom
TARPON BEND – If you can get past the long lines and the men’s bathroom door hitting you as rude dudes exit, this bar has very nice bathroom facilities. The sink guard lady (SGL) at Tarpon Bend is very supportive. For instance, a friend of mine once used the facilities to perform a bowel movement and afterwards the SGL asked her if everything came out okay. Sometimes we all need a little positive reinforcement after a BM.
BRINEY’S PUB (not the one on the New River) In a period when Briney’s took over a portion of Coyote Ugly, the bathroom situation has dramatically improved. My favorite thing about Briney’s toilets is the stall doors; they go all the way to the floor! When taking a moment to yourself, you feel as if you are in your own private sanctuary. Personally, I perform better under the guise of privacy.
POORHOUSE – No lines, the toilets are fully operational and there is no SGL! Think of all the money you will save without having the sink guard lady guilt-trip you into giving her a dollar after you pee. Inside the stall is a little mirror you can use to primp yourself and a shelf to place your purse. This is by far the BEST place to use the restroom. I recommend both urinating and defecating here. I would rather use the bathroom here than my own apartment …well almost. *Side note: Poorhouse‘s bathrooms transformed from the worst downtown toilets to the best after their recent renovation. Kudos to Poorhouse!
DICEY RILEY’S – I have to give this barprops for somewhat consistently keeping clean bathrooms despite the large crowds. Dicey Riley’s is a popular place and there are a lot of people using the facilities. The downside to this bathroom is the SGL and the excessively long lines. *Secret hint: if the line at Dicey’s is too long, you can easily sneak out the back door and go to Poorhouse’s bathroom.
Like much of America’s adolescent population, the bulk of my knowledge on Greek gods is limited to recently watching the teenybopper movie Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief a few months ago (I went with my family, lay off me!); however, it doesn’t take a history buff to know that Atlas was the god that literally carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. After talking to Shawn Hagood, drummer of the industrious, alternative band The Atlas Complex, it’s no shocker as to why they chose this particular name for their quartet. Despite what many people believe, not all hard working bands move to Brooklyn to make it big. Some bands like TAC stay near home, work three or more jobs, play open mic nights, and perform in other bands just to be able to fund their aspirations of a career in music.
Responsible people who only go out on the weekends are probably unaware that Fat Cat’s doesn’t just book cover bands. On a typical weeknight, you can watch a local band perform some original tunes on the venue’s intimate stage. This particular Tuesday night was no exception, as the The Atlas Complex performed their eclectic brand of rock music in front of a surprisingly well-sized weekday crowd. Considering that throughout the course of their set, the band meshes varying types of music such as indie, jam, funk, jazz-fusion, and r&b, it’s extremely difficult to limit them to a single genre. In fact, throughout the night they collaborated with other Broward acts — local hip hop group Da Teamsta’s and resident diva Liza Bennich — for some of their songs. Some my favorite tunes included Letters and Windows Of Light, but I also enjoyed their instrumental tracks that showcased their ability to play their respective instruments extremely well. Even if you don’t like the band’s music, which is difficult considering they span at least 5 different genres, it’s undeniable that these guys enjoy playing music and express it on stage via the energy they exude on stage.
Check out the band’s Myspace to listen to some of their more popular songs. In the meantime, enjoy the music video for their hit song DNA below.
Anyone who has grown up in South Florida has been to at least three birthday parties either at Gold Coast or its rival, Galaxy Skateway in Hollywood. It’s been there for sixty-three years even though I constantly pass by Gold Coast on my commutes I can probably count on my one hand the number of times I’ve been inside. Why, I don’t know. After gearing up for a big night by reminiscing of our elementary years over a couple of adult beverages, my friend and I decided we were ready to head over to Intoxiskate at Gold Coast Skating Rink.
Once in the building a sense of nostalgia came over me as I laced up my skates for the first time in probably 15 years: R. Kelly songs, the smell of stale popcorn, relay races, the chicken dance (though I try not to think of that one). Stepping onto the hardwood floor I felt a bit like a calf taking his first steps. Our pregaming was enough to get me out but not without some decent arm flailing and wall-stops (you know, intentionally running into the wall while sticking out your arms as your means of stopping.) But it only took a few laps around until I felt confident enough for the real Intoxiskation to begin. We sat down and took part in some $3 beer specials and some birthday cake (DJ Misha, if you’re reading this thanks for the cake!) and before long I was ready to get on the move again. If you thought a trip to the bathroom after a couple was an adventure wait til you try it on wheels. Bonus points for hovering if you’re a chick.
