What do Fort Lauderdale women look for in their men? Well this lady blogger, Mercedes J, prefers a gentleman with rugged good looks, captivating charm, a sense of humor, eccentric creativity, and a dash of humility. What if I told all the ladies out there that you can find all of these qualities PLUS ENDLESS SUPPLIES OF FREE CIGARETTES? Yes, it’s true — the most eligible bachelor in Fort Lauderdale is a good looking, fun, creative type who will gladly give you a pack of smokes. In exchange for showing your I.D. and a smile, this gift from God will give you one (or sometimes two) packs of the tobacco flavor for the day. His name is Jayce – a.k.a. the downtown Camel cigarette giveaway guy.
I followed Mr. Jayce around as part of my investigative journalism to learn more about his craft. With his backpack securely fastened (via a seat-belt) around his chest, I observed him strut all around downtown making one drunk after another extremely happy. When Jayce enters a bar, heads turn and people cheer with glee. The downtown cigarette guy is truly talented at what he does — he provides cigarettes to the needy in the utmost efficient and gracious manner.
After I elbowed people left and right and clawed my way through the crowd in order to get beside him, I had a chance to chat with Mr. Awesome himself. I handed him my I.D. and scored two packs of smokes a few moments later. I thanked him and sheepishly asked a few questions as I twirled my hair. “So Jayce, I see you around downtown most weekend nights, where else can I stalk, er- find you?” Jayce smiled warmly and told me that he can typically be found around the 2nd Street and Himmarshee area on Wednesdays through Saturdays. After midnight on Thursday nights you will likely spot the handsome devil at West Palm Beach’s Respectable Street. I giggled with delight about my newfound insider info.
“So Jayce, what kind of lady strikes your fancy?” He laughed courteously and answered, “I love someone who can feel confident in what she wears and look good doing it, someone who gets my humor and can crack jokes with me.” Jayce continued, “Also I like a woman who can hang at the Poorhouse with me, dance and shotgun a beer or two with my closest of friends.”
I stood there in awe as he moved on to help the next waiting cigarette recipient. WOW! I may have identified my future husband. Who knew that Fort Lauderdale hosted such amazing men like Jayce? Oh who am I kidding? There is only one most eligible bachelor, the downtown Camel cigarette giveaway guy. SO BACK OFF, HE’S MINE! Just kidding, we can share. Sigh.
*For more information on how to ask Jayce out on a date, leave a note in the comments section.
Shopping for secondhand items can be an exhilarating experience at the right store, but that is typically not the case in Broward County. Relative to other areas of the US, South Florida thrift stores are all too often filled with clutter of household items and half-broken appliances that probably have not been cleaned since their last use. In the meantime, shopping wearable items can usually subject you to high prices due to an increase in the popularity of vintage items. Sure, some rare pieces might cost you a buck as a collector’s piece but just because something is more than a few years old does not necessarily mean it should cost you an arm and a leg. Here are six thrift stores in Greater Fort Lauderdale where you are bound to find something not only unique but affordable as well.
ABC Thrift Store (Dania Beach): Where you’ll buy your next favorite thing
This store gets my vote for most interesting. This is your neighborhood thrift store where years worth of collecting, from around the country and maybe even world, gets dumped into a living room sized place. If you’re looking for something cool yet totally unnecessary, this is your spot. My three finds this trip were a hard-cased vintage travel carry-on with handle and snap locks for $15, a Ziploc bag of six assorted paring knives for $3, and a like-new gasless, indoor mini grill for $5. Clothing, handbags, and shoes are 50% off “when they feel like it” (really).
Sometimes it’s tough to be overshadowed by the bright lights of Miami. Sure, we’ll pretend like it doesn’t bother us that the mainstream media continually praises our neighboring big city and neglects its more laid back, people friendly, step sister, but fact of the matter is that we want some love too. That’s why whenever we get a plug in the national media, the FTLC feels compelled to let you know about it. My personal favorite FTL namedrop happened in episode five of The Office entitled “Broke.” In the episode, former temp Ryan equates Fort Lauderdale to Bangkok. If you forgot the scene, here’s the dialogue:
Ryan:
I never went to Thailand.
Pam:
Really?
Michael:
I went to Fort Lauderdale
Michael:
Was it nice?
Ryan:
Yeah “it was amazing.” There was a great pad thai place though.
Michael:
I love pad thai.
Ryan:
You’ve never had pad thai.
Michael:
No. There’s a lot I haven’t done.
Although not nearly as note-worthy as being mentioned in one of America’s most popular TV shows, the flattering namedrop in the Bing commercial did evoke more than a few chuckles. In the ad, a sexy maid named Isabella complains to her lover Juan Carlos that “if he loved her, he’d take her somewhere beautiful.” On queue, Juan Carlos’s arch nemesis — an unnamed Mexican hunk, who stole Filomena from Juan Carlos in episode 1 — enters the home via horseback with his laptop open to a Bing search result that displays plane tickets from San Jose, CA to Fort Lauderdale, FL. Naturally, Isabella is swept away by the idea of a trip to Ft Lauderdale and rides away with the man with the better mustache.
Below is the commercial I am referencing. If you happen to have Attention Deficit Disorder, make sure to pay attention at the 19 second mark.
Unfortunately, I did not come up with the title of this post all by myself; the Red, White, & Boom is the moniker of just one of the thousands of ridiculously named explosives sold at TNT Fireworks (formerly known as Neptunes Fireworks) located off of East Dania Beach Boulevard, just east of the convenience store made famous in a previous post. In fact, I was so enamored by the names of the fireworks, that I’m convinced that it’s possible to write an entire article just using firework name references. Check this out:
Just briefly checking out the Arsenal of child-friendly missiles and bombs sold at TNT Fireworks will give you Instant Gratification and make you Salute To America (still the world’s Super Power) like a Proud American. If you purchase enough Heavy Hitters (as far as I know, there’s no Legal Limit), you’ll surely be throwing Fort Lauderdale’s biggest TNT Block Party, putting your neighbors in a state of Delirium. In times like these, it’s Just Awesome that we have a firework store that will help us forget all about our local government’s Corruption and allow us to relax in our Tropical Delight that we call home.
(See, I told you I could write the whole article using only firework references – Mission Accomplished. Man, I was En Fuego, LOL)
Joking aside, I am not only writing this article in the spirit of our country’s independence day; I want to warn you. If you plan on buying fireworks at TNT, go right now! According to multiple sources, this store becomes a mad house as July 4th creeps closer. When I went late on Wednesday night (the store is open 24 hours until the holiday is over), there were hardly any shoppers in the store. However, the supercenter was prepared for the fast approaching riot of South Floridians lusting for gun powder. Let me describe the process of entering the store in a step-by-step process:
Step 1: If you can find parking (that’s a big IF), you have to enter the store on the side of the building. Don’t worry if you can’t find parking. The store hires police officers around this time of year to manage traffic.
Step 2: Get in line. Don’t get intimidated by the length of the winding line. I’m sure it will go quick (in your dreams).
Step 3: Take out your driver’s license because they will need to make a photocopy at the first checkpoint — that’s right, there are checkpoints. They will hand you a blank form with some writing on it — stuff like “I will not start bottle rocket wars with my little nephew”, “I will not set off smoke bombs in my grandma’s condominium elevator”, etc).
Step 4: Sign the form at the white table at the end of the line, but don’t forget to return the pen and clipboard. The security guard looks irritated.
Step 5: Enter the doors and wait in a second line. This line notarizes your ID and provides you with a buyer’s card that allows you to buy the most dangerous, legal explosives. Lucky for you, this card will let you bypass some of these stages the next time you go to TNT.
All in all, the entire entry process reminded me of entering Cambodia last summer in the height of swine flu season. Seriously, I think there’s more security currently at TNT Fireworks than at FLL. As awful as all that sounds, there’s no question that this is the best fireworks bodega in town. Go ahead and shop at the temporary tents in the Publix parking lots if you want to be the laughing stock of your neighborhood. I love my country, that’s why I’ll be shopping at the store that will let me buy the most dangerous fireworks that can literally blow my hand off.
Who am I kidding (sigh)? On this amateur blogger salary that I’m making ($0 a year), I could only afford some Crazy Ground Hogs, Chicken Coop, and Small Bees. Maybe next year, I’ll be able to buy something that will set off the car alarm on my neighbor’s obnoxious Mazda Miata.
Don’t forget to check out Ft Lauderdale’s firework show this Sunday on the beach. Heres the link with all the info.
The words “rock climbing” and “Florida” are seldom in the same sentence. But just off of Marina Mile Road, down a frequently flooded small road, and nestled in a maze of a business park, you’ll find Coral Cliffs, Ft Lauderdale’s only indoor rock climbing facility.
Behind a reflective, glassy storefront are 87 top rope climbing routes and 25 lead routes to monkey around on. Climb to your heart’s desire for about $29, gear rental included (harness, shoes, carabiner, and chalk bag). If you fall in love with it, you won’t need to worry about getting bored. The routes, ranging from 5.5 – 5.11 in difficulty, are changed frequently by skilled route setters.
Never done it before? Coral Cliff’s gracious and knowledgeable staff will “show you the ropes” for just a few bucks more. As a first-timer, you’ll learn how to effectively tie a figure eight knot into your harness and finish it off with a water knot. With a sweet little reminder that you’ve more or less got your partner’s life in your hands, you’ll learn how to belay, or secure, their rope.
Mastered the basics and want to return but have no one to go with? There are friendly climbers that are happy to help you out if you’re nice enough. If you’re looking to take your rope-tying skills to the next level, be sure to check out Coral Cliff’s “Singles and Swingers Night” every Tuesday at 6:30p.m.
It’s difficult to write this article because I can barely see my computer screen through the salty, clear discharge (some would call tears) rapidly emitting from my eyes. It pains me to confirm that the horrific rumors are true — South Florida’s best Metal Band (according to the 2010 Best Of edition of Broward/Palm Beach New Times), Murderous Rampage, will no longer be screaming their beautiful music into our bleeding ears.
The news came as a shock on the evening of June 10th when lead vocalist and Poorhouse bartender, Tommy, revealed to this back bar regular that the band would be retiring. The death metal band has been a Fort Lauderdale favorite for the past few years. Fans can’t seem to get enough of the relentless fast paced roaring of guitar, bass, and drums combined with the melodramatic lyrics of their songs. In addition to producing addictive music, Murderous Rampage has also created deliciously morbid videos for three of their songs — Programmed to Kill, Eating Drinking Shitting, and Out in Public. The music videos showcase Tommy’s affection for horror, zombies, and dismembered mannequins.
Devoted fans came out to support Murderous Rampage’s final show at Churchill’s Pub in Miami last Saturday (June 26th). Murderous Rampage were joined by four other metal bands — Shroud Eater, Junior Bruce, Consular, and Hallow Leg for a night of heart pumping rock. Frontman Tommy performed with energy and prowess as he sang lyrics such as “kill yourself you waste of life” and “eating drinking shitting — that’s all I do.” Bass guitarist Somesh seductively played his instrument as Hoblium whaled on his guitar. Jointly, band members delivered powerful and brusque death metal which had the crowd thrashing their bodies in a seizure-esque manner.
Murderous Rampage’s farewell show did not disappoint and confirmed why we all love them so much. Maybe if we all think positive thoughts and wear our Murderous Rampage t-shirts every day, the band will again grace the stage one day in the future. Goodbye Murderous Rampage, you will be missed.
