As a writer for an emerging blog that represents the city of FTL, it is my responsibility to occasionally surf the internet with the intention of finding mentions of our city’s name in various blogs, videos, or news sites. Last week, I stumbled on this eHow video about how to make a drink called Fort Lauderdale.
In my opinion, before an alcoholic beverage is named after a city, the recipe should be run by the residents of the respective municipality. My friends know my disdain for the upper half of Florida (or as I like to call it South Georgia), but that doesn’t give me the right to piss and vomit in a blender and call it the North Florida.
Because we are a blog that enjoys input from its readers, we would like for you guys to make suggestions for a new and improved version of the Fort Lauderdale. Let’s create a drink that encompasses the spirit of our great city. In other words, let’s put so much alcohol in it that even our town drunk, Mickey Clean, will think it’s too strong. Let’s not forget that we are nicknamed Fort Liquordale for a reason.
After mulling over everyone’s suggestions, we will post a follow-up at the end of the week, describing how to make the enhanced alcoholic beverage. Share your input by commenting below.
Living downtown is great and it’d be really easy to write a post about all the perks of living near FTL’s mini skyscrapers, but let’s face it, complaining is a lot more fun. Despite double digit noise complaints and 2 evictions, I’ve loved living in historic Sailboat Bend for the last 4 years; however, I do have some requests to improve the downtown community. Here are 5 that I’ve hand picked off my carefully chosen list (in no particular order):
Super Publix Parking Garage
Like most days, my fridge is empty. The main reason for the lack of groceries is that I loathe having to park my minivan on the 2nd story of Publix‘s parking deck. Even though it extends my grocery store trip by only 1-2 minutes, it just feels so unnecessary. It’d be worth it if the actual inside of the grocery store was bigger than most supermarkets, but it’s not — in fact, I think it’s smaller. Just to top things off, sometimes you’ll get the moron with the full shopping cart who forgoes the elevator and clogs the people mover, forcing you to painfully stand idle for the longest minute of your life. For the sake of downtown locals, can someone from Publix make a deal with the bail bonds people across the street for more 1st floor parking?
Local music is a common interest among all of the FTLC bloggers. Oftentimes, our weekend plans revolve around checking out some of our favorite artists or bands that we hadn’t seen before. The problem is, there aren’t enough outlets for information about upcoming shows or regional bands. Outside of the powerhouse blogs such as New Times’ County Grind (headed by the huggable Reed Fischer) and City Link’s Mixtape, no local blog follows the current rock ‘n roll scene better than Mood Vane’s Courtney Hambright. Before Poorhouse had a website with an event calendar (it’s about frickin’ time!), her blog was the only way we’d know what band was playing at our preferred downtown watering hole. The first time I read about a show at Monterey Club was from Courtney’s website. When 1921 was throwing parties with bands and DJ Mig (shameless plug, I know) every third Friday, she was the first on the scene. Many times, I’ll learn about new Broward bands from her posts. Plain and simple, quality local music blogs are as common as submarine sightings off the coast of Fort Lauderdale Beach. If you like supporting local music, there’s no excuse to not subscribe to Mood Vane.
There are two unofficial sections of Fort Lauderdale Beach. If you are going to FTL Beach with your family or enjoy spiking a volleyball, you’ll be heading to stretch of sand between the Yankee Clipper and outdoor basketball court (don’t forget, free parking in the South Beach lot). If binge drinking and people watching is your thing, chances are that you’ll be lounging on the sand in front of Blondies, Elbo Room,Pirate Alley, or Rock Bar. I’m here to tell you there’s now a third option on the beach — a little spot I discovered a couple of years ago know as The Jetty
Now, I realize that a bunch of you probably already know about this local treasure (heck, there’s a Facebook fan page for the jetties). Also, I expect some people to berate me in the comments, telling me that they’ve known about this spot for decades. The fact is, every local deserves to know about this hidden site. For those of you who are learning about The Jetties for the first time, let me illustrate what you should expect:
The longest stretch of beach in Fort Lauderdale. Walking from the beach access to the water feels like a trek through the desert. It takes awhile to touch the Atlantic, so you might feel inclined to take a cigarette break or swig from your Vitamin Water bottle halfway through the journey. Make sure to bring a frisbee or football. You’ll have room to play a 100 yard game of two hand touch.
On the south corner is the jetty, a pile of massive boulders. Sit on the rocks with your favorite significant other and watch the waves crash. You’ll be sure to score some points with your girlfriend if you take her here, especially if you can make it for the sunrise.
Apparently, it’s a good spot for fishing as well. You will always find a couple of hardcore fisherman on the rocks. Don’t bring your $20 fishing pole you got from Sports Authority though. I promise you won’t catch anything (trust me, Fat Hand and I already tried and failed miserably).
Probably the reason most people head to this spot is to watch the giant cruise ships pass by. If you’re lucky, you can find some corny old timers who make signs like “Come Back Soon” for the people on the cruise ships. Don’t be shy to join them; after all, most of the people you know are probably getting hammered on 190 Octanes from Fat Tuesdays on the other end of the beach. The Jetty people won’t judge you.
The only problem with the jetty beach is the parking. Unless I’m unaware of covert parking spots (email me mig@ftlcollective if you know of more parking), there are only a handful of places to parallel park — all free. Once you park, walk down SE 20th Street until you hit the beach access. I’ve attached a screenshot of Google Maps, complete with manually drawn arrows and the address for the parking to aid you.
Say what you will about Dania, but that city keeps it real. While the rest of the county has updated itself over the years, Broward’s first city remains retro. Just drive a mile down US-1, south of Griffin Road, and you’ll pass the neon sign for Tropical Acres (established in 1949), a couple of Bates Motel replicas, ice cream juggernaut Jaxons (est. 1956), an endless row of antique shops, and an establishment known as Alex’s Flamingo Groves & Gift Shop (established in 1963) that looks like it belongs in Key Largo. For years, I have driven past Alex’s tropical mural and window display of dead sea life, wondering what kind of tacky junk I could buy to fill up the remaining empty space in my cluttered apartment. Finally, last week I walked inside this treasure trove of useless items. Dear Santa, I know it’s kind of early, but here is my wish list of items that I want from Alex’s Gift Shop (in no particular order).
The Transvestite Fantasy Creature Collection
These contemporary statues are a little pricey ($129 for the fairy man), but I’ll settle for just one of them. I think it would fit nicely in my bathroom, across from the toilet, facing the person taking a dump.
Big Foot was real
Before and after photos (how do you type out the sound of a drummer playing the ‘joke’ beat… pata-puh?). In all seriousness, who comes to Florida and buys a replica of Big Foot’s head as a souvenir (besides someone like me).
NSFW Coffee Mugs
No Florida gift store would be complete without its array of everyday items turned sensual. I know it’s a bit cliche, but I was thinking of sending this to my mom for her birthday? What do you guys think? Why are you looking at me like I’m weird or something?
UPDATE 3-8-14: Since writing this blog post in 2010, I’ve now seen a bunch of places that sell this mug. This entry has lost its luster.
These postcards never get old
In the same vein as erotic mugs, these typical, cheesy postcards are a must in any souvenir shop. Alex’s truly has one of the better collections of these classic photos. Nothing screams South Florida more than plus size women, homoerotic men, and the Hyatt in Ft Lauderdale.
I call this….wait for it, wait for it… The World SEA-ries of Poker.
Next time you’re on your way to or from Dania Jai Alai or Liggett Pharmacy, drop by Alex’s Gift Shop. Even if you’re not planning on buying anything, it’ll make you chuckle. While you’re in the neighborhood, check out ABC Thrift Shop, one of Broward’s better second hand stores.
