FTLC takes the Python Challenge

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The FTLC participated in the world’s first ever Python Challenge on Saturday. We consider the outcome a draw.

As you may have seen in the media proper, Governor Rick Scott and the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission, attempting to do something about the Burmese python invasion in the Everglades, decided that anybody with $25 to spare can register to hunt pythons in designated areas between January 12 and February 10, complete with cash prizes for the killing of the biggest “burm” (hunt lingo for an individual Burmese python) and for most total burms killed. The FTLC loves the Everglades ecosystem almost as much as it loves local insanity so we were into the Python Challenge 110%.

Saturday morning there was a Python Challenge kick-off orientation and press conference at the University of Florida Fort Lauderdale Research and Education Center in Davie. Here’s a guy from the Wildlife Commission (I think) speaking to the press:

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A shockingly large amount of press:
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The press conference was dull and the various events (such as rules and regulations, hunter safety, etc.) were scheduled to stretch on all day so we high-tailed it out of there to head to the swamp. Trekking out to the Holey Land Wildlife Management Area on the Broward and Palm Beach County Line, about 8 miles west of US 27, we set about looking for a good place to pull off the road and start our hunt. Everybody knows that 50% of a python hunt is fashion show so we were decked out in our finest hunting duds with appropriate sharp winter accessories:
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Setting off down a path littered with spent shotgun shells, the path narrowed quickly and then became almost non-existent. Hiking through the Everglades is no joke. Once we really got back in there the ground was thick mud, the sawgrass was tall and tough, and down by your knees you could only see a few feet in any direction.
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We realized we were the loudest animals in the area and the only chance we had of seeing a large predator was if it decided to attack us. But we did come across one non-aggressive looking snake (not a python):

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After going maybe 150 yards in 1/2 hour it became clear this was not the way to find pythons. Back at the car we re-read our Python Challenge material and discussed various YouTube python videos and decided the best bet was to stick to the roads ontop of the levees, as pythons are most often spotted near the canals, sunning on the sides of the levees, or on the roads themselves. We then fashioned a strategy where one of us would drive really slow while the other would pretend he was an armed camouflaged local celebrity sitting on the top of the back seat of a convertible parade car and scan the sides of the levees. This was our python hunting parade car:

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This seemed like a great strategic development and it kind of caught on.  We drove past a group of guys stomping through the brush and not 20 minutes later during a python investigation stop, they drove by looking like this:
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Of course, none of us were as cool as the guy with this vehicle:
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We came across the smallest snake in the world (not a python) which my hunting partner bravely picked up:
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We came across a very scary water moccasin (not a python) which neither of us had any intention of messing with:
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These guys stopped to film the water moccasin and said they were making a movie about the Python Challenge and its hunters (when Hollywood remakes this fascinating documentary into an Anaconda-like feature film, I imagine Ice Cube playing my character):
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Ultimately, we never saw any pythons. We saw a lot of other cool wildlife though, including an incredible amount of large birds that always take off before you can get the perfect picture, and some gators:
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We killed no pythons but no pythons killed us, so that is why we call it a draw.  Good luck to all the python hunters throughout the month. The FTLC is ambivalent about a hype-filled slaughter of anything, but considering what pythons are doing to the Everglades, hype it up and hunt safely (and kill those unholy serpents).

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Fat Hand

Content Editor & Blogger at FTL Collective

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